It’s funny to think that after 3 years of Lucy-and-Nathan-and-Beansprout we’re asking another person into our space.

I keep telling Nathan that pregnancy feels real (hello heartburn and baby hiccups), and birth seems real, but the idea that there will be another baby in the house… that seems fake. 

I think it’s because I can’t picture her yet.

I know once I meet her it will seem impossible that she could ever have been anywhere else, but right now she’s still firmly a concept that I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around. 

Time seems to be speeding up to get her here sooner which is exciting and terrifying. There are just so many things to get done before I go into labor and I’m trying to get all of the practical needs finished; the garden, the house, the blog, postpartum prep + planning.

It feels like I’m always running and hustling Beansprout to keep up. 

I had hoped to spend at least the last month just spending quality one-on-one time with him since it’ll be the last time he’s the only child. And that transition is hard. 

But instead, I’m picking up odd jobs and trying to pull double duty while Nathan picks up extra work as we make that mad dash into the beginning of June.

Realistically I know that Beansprout doesn’t care if he’s outside in the dirt with me or getting extra screen time inside, and I know I’m doing the best I can with the cards we’ve got.

But it’s still a little bit sad.

And I still feel a little bit guilty.

I just keep reminding myself that in a few weeks it’ll be an entirely different world, at least for our family, and that the only thing I can do to prep for that is my best.

Beansprout is happy and fed and gets outside at least once a day. We’ve got food on our table, and a roof over our heads, and when everything starts to seem impossible something always comes through – a light in the darkness.

I’m excited to meet baby Ladybug… And simultaneously terrified and feeling unprepared for postpartum. But right now I mostly just want a nap. And a snow cone. And I’m ready to be in more of a beginning and less of a transition.