The Four Primary Parenting Styles

What is a Parenting Style?

Your parenting style is defined by your expectations for your child’s behavior and how you respond to unwanted behavior. For most of us, our parenting style is based on how we were raised and the things that we see in our community.

If you’re interested in learning what style of parent you are (and what other styles are out there) here is a quick guide to the four primary parenting styles.

Authoritative Parenting

Parental Involvement: High

Discipline: High

You may be an authoritative parent if you believe…

It’s important to have a positive relationship with your child
Rules need to be explained and understood before they can be enforced
It’s important to solve problems together because children are an equal part of the household

Authoritarian Parenting

Parental Involvement: Low

Discipline: High

You may be an authoritarian parent if you believe…

Kids should be seen and not heard
Rules are ‘your way or the highway’ and should be followed without question
Your household has a strict hierarchy with you at the top and it’s the child’s job to listen and obey

Permissive Parenting

Parental Involvement: High

Discipline: Low

You may be a permissive parent if you believe…

Kids do best when left mostly to their own devices
You set rules but rarely enforce them
Your child is the center of the household and decisions are made first and foremost with their happiness in mind

Neglectful Parenting

Parental Involvement: Low

Discipline: Low

You may be a neglectful parent if…

You are uninvolved with your kids
You rarely know enough about what they’re doing to be able to provide rules or suggestions
Your household is separate or unrelated to your children

Which One is the Best?

Studies on parenting and child psychology generally agree that authoritative parenting provides the best results for healthy family dynamics and emotionally stable kids.

But when it comes to parenting there is no universal right answer.

If you identified as more of an authoritarian or permissive parent that doesn’t mean you can’t have a good relationship with your kids.

Ask yourself if your parenting style is supporting your goals for your relationship with your kids and then you can grow from there!

Maybe you want your child to be an entrepreneur or an industry leader – that requires a lot of self-discipline, resilience, and adaptability – do you feel like your parenting style encourages those traits?

Or maybe it’s important to you that your child be emotionally savvy so that they don’t fall into a pattern of abuse that you’ve seen in your community, is your parenting style supporting those goals?

It never hurts to take some time to take stock of where you are every once and a while.

Where Does Gentle Parenting Fit In?

Gentle parenting is another way of describing authoritative parenting and has its’ focus on emotional learning and healthy boundaries.

The goal of gentle parenting is to have a positive and open family dynamic with a strong sense of shared family rules.

While gentle parenting is often assumed to be permissive (I think it’s the word ‘gentle’ that confuses people) the strong sense of discipline that gentle parenting promotes puts it firmly into the authoritative category.

Gentle parenting’s attitude toward drawing, and holding, boundaries also disqualifies it from the permissive style.