How to Help Postpartum

Hint: It isn’t holding the baby

As much as everyone wants to snuggle with a new baby if you’re trying to help out a new mama postpartum it isn’t the best thing you can do. Postpartum is all about letting mom heal physically and mama & baby bonding time – that means letting mom hold and snuggle her baby.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t help!

Here are five ways to help out a new mom postpartum that don’t involve holding the baby
(and a bonus tip that does)

1. Bring Food

No matter if mama had a natural birth or a cesarean, if she’s nursing or formula feeding, having a new baby in the house is exhausting.

The last thing anyone wants to do while they’re juggling the physical recovery and a new baby is to try and cook three times a day plus snacks – so many snacks.

And that’s where you come in!

If you aren’t sure what to bring here are some ideas to get you started:

A hot meal, homemade or her favorite takeout
A ready-to-cook meal that she can throw in the oven or crockpot later
Baked goods – postpartum is a great time to focus on getting full fats and extra calories
Satisfy a craving – they don’t stop after the baby is born!
Prepacked snacks – especially protein bars, precut fruits or veg, cheese sticks, or nuts (but chocolate and chips too)
Or even just a drink – text and ask if mom wants a coffee/smoothie/slush

You don’t have to go outside your means to bring a meaningful snack for a new mama!

Just be sure to ask about any food allergies before you decide.

2. Do Dishes

The only thing worse than having to cook postpartum? Cleaning up afterward! (I’m usually not a big fan of disposable dishware but postpartum is the exception to that rule).

If you’re visiting a friend with a new baby and you notice dishes in the sink offer to do them – or better yet tell them you’re doing them and then just start.

It may be a midwest thing but it’s a lot easier to accept that someone has just commandeered your sink than it is to ask someone to do the dishes for you.

The mom guilt starts early y’all, circumvent it by volunteering to help around the house.

3. Do Laundry

Right up there with doing the dishes – get some laundry started!

There’s a lot of laundry in those first few weeks of postpartum and offering to help get on top of it is a great thing you can do to help out a family with a new baby.

Unlike dishes, laundry can feel a bit more intimate so it’s a good idea to ask mom if she’d like your help with it. Between milk stains on tops and blood stains on bottoms it may be that mama would prefer to keep the laundry private.

4. Play with Older Kids

If there are older kids in the house (but especially toddlers or young children) make a point of doing something fun with them.

A new baby brings a lot of changes to the family dynamic and a lot of attention to the newest member. Taking the time to check-in and focus on the other kids can go a long way to helping keep the peace.

Playing games that mom may have a hard time with postpartum, like tag or hide and seek, can be a great way to help get some energy out for young children.

You may feel like you’re ignoring the new mom but I’d guarantee that she appreciates the effort.

If physical games are too much for you consider blocks, puzzles, or even baking something together. A little one-on-one attention is going to be well-received no matter what the activity.

5. Sit and Chat

Motherhood is lonely.

While mom might not spend much time physically alone mentally and emotionally there’s a lot of time during motherhood when the company of other adults is a rarity.

No matter how cute a baby is or how much you love them there is a point where mom just needs to be able to talk to another living person.

This tip is extra true in the United States where paternity leave is rare and the definition of the family tends to end at ‘immediate’.

Never underestimate the power of just sitting around with a new mom and having a good chat.

Bonus: Hold the Baby

Yes, holding the baby does make the list!

If mom wants a chance to shower by herself or take a nap or spend some quality time with an older kiddo then holding the baby is absolutely a way that you can help out postpartum.

The problem with holding the baby postpartum isn’t actually you holding the baby, it’s everyone wanting to hold the baby.

Imagine you’re recovering from major surgery; you’re barely sleeping, you’re hungry all the time, your body is achy and healing, and the house is a mess.

Then people start calling you and asking to visit, and you don’t feel great and the house is a wreck, but you invite them over anyway.

And they come over, and sit on your couch, and tell you ‘I’d be happy to sit here while you clean the house’.

There’s no way!

And yet when a woman has a baby that’s the expectation that a lot of folks have.

Be a part of raising the bar for how we treat women postpartum and before you ask to hold the baby – ask how mom is doing, ask if you can do anything, and at the very least – bring food!